WUPBlog

It took less than three minutes for the first act of simulation to take place, and with a different referee perhaps could have earned poor Louis Riddle a caution. I was expecting some theatrics from the Trumptonites today, but didn’t expect to have to make a note of it so quickly. I made more notes on this particular game than most Dons reports I write; so interesting were some of the goings on at the Beveree this afternoon.

Lets just say I wasn’t going that far out of my way to see one of our title rivals this afternoon. Lack of Oyster card meant I had to travel by train, leaving my house at 2.10pm and arriving at Beaver Central twenty minutes before kick-off. It gave me a chance to flick through their programme, noting that they gave up half a page to their chaplain and thinking of the outrage caused if we ever did the same.

Dodgy pitch!

It also gave me time aplenty to take a close up look at the notorious pitch. It looks patchy in places, and they’ve obviously let it grow in the corners, but apart from the goalmouths it doesn’t look too bad. However I’ll admit its probably worse if you had to run across it… all the same I’m not sure what a club like Trumpton could really do about it (if they wanted, the pitch is an obvious advantage considering their playing style).

On to the game, and the aforementioned gamesmanship by Keiran Knight led to a scrappy opening period, Hampton slightly on top, Braintree frequently losing possession due to the isolation of Gareth Williams and the static nature of his strike partner Danny Hockton. Despite this, the first half chance fell to Braintree’s Ryan Moran, his header blocked by the unwitting head of a Hampton player, falling safely to Lovett. The goalkeeper launched a huge ball downfield starting a promising break, brilliantly intercepted by Riddle, who sadly had to limp off before the half was out.

A rare first half pic of Braintree near the Hampton goal

Around ten minutes in, here we go again, a Hampton player goes down and stays there following a collision and ten players and the bench are at the referee in unison. Mr Young was having none of it, shouting clearly ‘Nothing there!’. John Scarborough went a bit too far and the official had a word. Of course this behaviour went on for the rest of the half. Nothing was too innocuous to stop Devonshire getting to his feet. Before the game I heard an older lady walking past me say she ‘stands by the dugout to hear Alan Devonshire swear’. They’re all evil at that place, evil I say!

Hampton took control from the half hour onwards. From one of McDonalds immense throws Hodges went close (before he too limped off replaced by Badoo), then a great run down the right flank by Harper saw his cross headed over at the far post by Francis Quarm. The goal was not long in coming though, volleyed in by Dean Wells in a similar situation to Alan Inns effort on Friday, minus the desperate defender on the line (minus any defenders in fact). The second came before half time; Knights mishit shot found its way through to Badoo, who stabbed the ball literally through Craig Holloway (or so it appeared where I was standing!). There was still time for Matthews to hit the post for Hampton after the ball fell to him following a spell of head tennis.

Stand?

Half time and Braintree looked a beaten team, which gave me 15 minutes to inspect the ‘new stand’. Its been dismantled and reassembled here after another club didn’t require its use any more, and it looks like it hasn’t been put together properly! Make sure you double check your tickets if your in the seating area as one section of seats featured Rows H, B, B and F! It was seriously wobbly with just me, heavy as I am, standing on it, there might need to be some kind of weight limit introduced for Dons fans next week!

Bought it off Ebay

The second half started much like the first, only featuring much fewer chances, making the game less of whatever spectacle it had been in the first half. Knight blazed over when clear down the right channel, and a corner headed goalwards was calmly headed away on the line by a Braintree defender. Which gave plenty of time for admiring my surroundings. A downpour had forced myself and a dozen or so Braintree fans into the new stand, and from the walkie talkies of two stewards could be heard ‘can you ask the people standing to sit down please?’ to huge guffaws from the travelling support as none of the seats in that section really looked that safe to sit on!

Spot the pitch

Apparently the temporary stand is only there until they get planning permission for a permanent structure that they will only build if they get promoted (this was an overhead conversation between two stewards who spent the rest of the half talking about Chelsea). I’m not sure what the rules are but it sounds like they have skirted them a bit, not that I blame them; Erik has said time and again we won’t spend money on large developments unless we have to.

Waiting for the ball to come down

With about a quarter hour to go, Braintree unexpectedly sprung to life. Gareth Williams (nicknamed Ginge by team-mates despite fellow redhead Chris Piper now being on the field) managed to wriggle past two defenders into the six-yard box before seeing his shot blocked. Then Billy Burgess got on the end of a free kick, his flicked header sailing wide. Braintree sensed blood and gave it everything on the slippery surface, but nothing was going their way.

Until Mickey Shinn picked the ball up thirty yards out, unleashed a low drive that beat Lovett all too easily, seeing the ball cannon off the post, hitting the rotund shot stoppers back before trickling over the line. The P.A. Announcer gave the goal to Shinn, perhaps only to spare Lovett’s embarrassment following his tame effort to save, but Shinn deserved his goal. He didn’t stop working for Braintree all afternoon and was perhaps the best player on the field.

Lovett on the other hand, is perhaps the biggest pain in the backside I’ve ever seen grace the wonderful position of goalkeeper. He spent the whole first half telling his bench (and thus the entire ground) that all the balls were ‘fucking flat’. He abused a linesman while taking a free kick, telling him he was in line with him despite clearly being ten yards in front of where the exasperated official was standing. Towards the end he started his party trick of letting through balls run to him, standing over it with his hands inches from the ball, waiting for the very last moment until the striker bore down on him before fielding the ball. Now during my playing days this tactic was called ‘running the clock’ and was a great way of eating up time when holding on to a lead. When Lovett does it he just looks an idiot…

Lovett also likes a bit of the rough stuff apparently. After colliding with the smallest player on the pitch, Lee Burns, he calmed tempers by calling him a ‘fucking midget’. He then bravely stood up to the Braintree man when Burns quite rightly questioned him about this, seconds after the final whistle. Lovett obviously hasn’t learned that picking out physical differences in opposition players doesn’t sit well when you have bloody great man boobs yourself.

All in Hampton probably deserved their win, a few Braintree players didn’t turn up for long periods of the game and when it finally clicked for them it was too little too late. Hampton will undoubtedly up their game next Saturday, but it could be academic by then, a defeat to Hayes and Yeading on Monday coupled with a Dons win will end their title hopes. Here’s hoping.